My Confession With a Priest

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another…” - James 5:16

I’m not Catholic but I think there are things I can learn from the Catholic church. In that spirit I attended a three day guided silent retreat hosted by a Jesuit retreat house. Like Jesus’ moments of solitude with the Father, I was in need of a space to quiet myself, rest and tend to God’s presence in my life in an extended time of concentrated stillness (Psalm 46:10).

In one session we were encouraged to ask God to reveal sin in our lives after which there was set aside time to meet with a priest for confession. I had done a lot of vulnerable life sharing with pastors and friends but this felt different. I was hesitant. I was also curious.

The Nature of Sin & Confession

As the session continued, sin was described in moral terms (pride, lust, envy, etc) but more fundamentally as a compromise of love. Sin is not just impersonal immorality but is relational, involving a blockage in receiving and giving love. So one of the questions posed, “Who are we being invited to love and how is that going?”

When attention was later turned to the nature of confession we were led into an exquisite truth. Confession isn’t about confession, it’s about reconciliation. What is hoped for in this act of faith is a felt sense of the restoration of an estranged relationship that is precious to us. The sheer beauty of this drew me in. 

Confession was further explained as a reporting to God himself and the community of grace as represented by the receiver. Sharing with a priest, a flesh and blood person in our midst, provides a tangible sense of a God who forgives and accepts but who is not as available to our senses as he one day will be in the new creation. According to James 5:16, this is something any Christian can do for another.

We are welcomed by God. He is eager to forgive. The moment of sorrow and repentance is a grace that is met by another grace, the release of guilt and shame. Which is met by yet another, deep communion with the one we love and the one who loves us. We have a secure base to return to. We are held and so we can hold together in a messy life that is situated in a messy world.

This simple, intimate human interaction can help us experience a more profound interaction of love between us and God. At its best, this is what Christian counseling provides. Therapy is a modern scientifically based expression of an ancient intuitively known need and practice. 

My Confession

Curiosity overcame my hesitation and when it was time to receive the sacrament of reconciliation, I took my place in line.

When it was my turn I stepped into a small, private room with the priest. I was slightly nervous. Father welcomed me into the space with inviting, warm eyes and a body posture and tone of voice equally inviting. This put me at ease.

I shared what sins had come to me in the time of reflection and tears came. I felt safe to be vulnerable. I allowed a shadow part of the self to be seen and pressure was released. He patiently took in the moment then spoke poetic and healing words, “Tears are a welcome expression of deep movement that is beyond words.”  

One of my areas of confession was around my desire to show up more consistently for my three sons. He drew my attention to the mystery of childhood as a time of discovery, to consider coming alongside my boys in a posture of wonder. He commended an act of “penance”, which was defined not as a work to earn salvation but as an act to restore beauty from brokenness, like a prescription from a doctor to heal a cut. His prescription was to give a surprise compliment to each boy each day that week. He noted that we live in a competition thick culture and compliments are the opposite of competition.

It was a rich, restorative, consoling moment. I returned to the chapel, lowered myself into a cozy chair and turned toward one of the large windows. I leaned back and closed my eyes. My face was tilted toward the sun so I could absorb its light and warmth. I gave myself permission to just sit and be in the glow of the moment. To pause and internalize the gifts of reconciliation, communion and a beautiful creation in which to enjoy it. To sit and abide in Christ. An abiding that will inevitably bear fruit (Jn 15:5).